I don’t really understand why we all are expected to do so much life, why we are expected to make something of ourselves. I feel like there are only two options in life that are acceptable, one is to do something important and amazing and end up on national television or to get a stable income job, get married have children and live the country club life. Either seem like they would be a pretty nice thing to be settled with but very empty and unsatisfying, I mean it’s one thing to wish for it and watch those lifestyles on TV but another to actually be living. What if you actually were a Ted Cruz esq. senator and was on national television. Imagine the reporters, the newspapers, Saturday Night Live, and whispering people, it would take nerves of steel to go in that route of expectations. Everyone would be talking about you, knowing about your life, everyone judging the decisions you make and things you say. I sometimes feel like people are judging me and talking about me, but that’s only being paranoid, in that life IT WOULD BE REAL. What people do under those worries is usually not good. Some people do well and end up saving their country, others make mistakes and land their country in a monumental trouble, the odds aren’t good because the power might and most likely go to your head. I would like to thing in that kind of situation I would be resourceful although I could mess up, I could do really bad things to the world. I remember people telling me when I ran for student council that I should expect the worse so if everything went alright I would be pleasantly surprised and if they didn’t I wouldn’t be disappointed. I tried that technique but I couldn’t help it, I just expected to much of myself, I couldn’t just say I wasn’t going to do well, it just didn’t work that way for me. So I ruled out success option number one.
Option two you can fantasize about, and I do, of the world of preppy elitists, country clubs, debutants, lots of money, extravagant vacations, and four houses on the east coast. But really, would you want to live that life, always waiting for other people’s validation because self validation wasn’t enough. Making endless social conversations at other peoples fabulous houses, having to smile when you have guests and when you are a guest even if it means putting a mask on what you are really feeling does not sound pleasant. Sooner or later you would end up in Anna Karenina society having to go to events and be the prettiest one there, always worrying about your status and degrading the status of others. Sometimes I think I would want to live that life since I would get a good push into the Ivy Leagues (a dream of mine) but at the same time I would hate the contemplation that would go on in society about my college applications and where I would end up. That just wouldn’t be for me, I think if I grew up in one on those families I would make my life my own and head out to climb the alps and never be seen again. Not that disappearing to the alps is a bad thing, in fact is sounds rather nice, but having been driven to the point where I need to go away forever with only a sherpa and a yak.
I am currently dedicated to doing what I want to do and not letting expectations sway me or shape me. In my personal opinion I am the best judge of my life and my decisions since I am the one who will have to live with the consequences.